One hundred days update

Today is the end of my hundred days, which started here . So what progress have I made?

Having now done almost 4 months of Radiant Recovery, I'm amazed to find that I'm much calmer. I now understand what serene feels like. I no longer have that raging itch of anxiety and depression crawling under my skin. I'm beginning to lose the constant worry about things in the future, especially things that I have no control over. I'm not obsessing over the little things like I used to.

Like my weight. I’m nearly back to my heaviest weight, and I’m not worried about it. I feel so much better now that I’m eating to feed my body, instead of trying to starve it. Normal diets just don’t work for me. I now get that even Eat to Live, which is an incredibly healthy diet, wasn’t going to work for me in the long run, because it left me without the ingredients to keep myself stable and sane. I bought fat pants again, and I’m OK with that, because this path, fat pants included, is the one that will help me continue to heal. I’d rather be fat and sane than thin and crazy.

I even have a modest exercise streak going. It’s amazing to see how different exercise looks when I’m doing it from a place of calm. When I was doing Weight Watchers, I dreaded exercise, because I knew that even a little bit would leave me starving. I had the choice of exercise and blowing my points, or exercise and hunger. Neither left me inspired to move.

But now that I’m eating real food again, and I know there’s no punishment looming if I eat moderately when I’m hungry after working out, I’m excited about getting myself in motion.

And I am eating real food again. A real egg, instead of Eggbeaters – who knew that could be such a joy? Whole grain breads and pastas, which were not worth the points in WW, are now staples in this eating plan.

All of this has led me to a place of sanity, somewhere I’ve never been before. This is truly terra incognita. I’m learning that what I often see as feeling flat is really feeling sane, calm, serene. I’m learning that the excitement of sugar-induced drama is utterly not where I want to live my life.

And I’ve really only begun to see the edges of the territory, and I’m excited to see what lies ahead.

One step at a time.